Spirituality has been a recurring theme in my life for awhile now, but the last week has been heavily focused on spirits and souls, rather than our physical existence. Interestingly, I haven’t made it to yoga yet this week. I wonder how my meditative practice will alter now that I have been enlightened in many ways.
A lot of what I appreciate about polyamory is that it is based on a higher level or form of existence. It challenges us in many ways, most importantly how to perceive specific human emotions as a waste of time and energy. And even detrimental. Particularly jealousy, greed, selfishness, and obsessive control. I realize now that the majority of my relationships have only ever been as a human romance. They were passionate, intimate, and full of love at the time, but they never broke the barrier to spirituality.
I just read an article today that aligned with my recent thoughts on spirituality. First, I do believe I’ve made love in a powerful sense before. I agree with the author of the article that it was a moment in which I felt fully awake and therefore fully connected to my lover. There was passion, love, excitement, but there was also something else that was inexplicable.
True lovemaking is a beautiful experience. It surpasses our physical form and the temporary satisfaction we may feel. It goes beyond the carnal yearning for pleasurable appeasement.
Lovemaking is a form of transcendence. It temporarily closes the tear of loneliness we all feel but can never mend. We finally connect with another being, another spirit. We feel the cosmos circle around us in that moment. In those precious moments, we know the answer to the universe.
Incredibly, without warning, I had such an experience recently. Without taking off a single piece of clothing…
I had a first date… the first one in a LONG while most likely due to my unexpected heartbreak from the last one (Mr. London). I don’t know what it was exactly, but I felt motivated to open up again. I wanted to meet someone new.
I don’t have expectations anymore. I think I’ve been on enough first dates at this point that I am comfortable going in blind (pretty much) and accepting whatever happens.
Let’s call my date Sir Sage – because he’s unexpectedly wise beyond his years.
I waited a few minutes for Sir Sage to arrive. We had decided on drinks close by both our homes for convenience. I was rather excited at my last minute decision to go out.
When he arrived, he passed right by me, as I was seated on a bench by the hostess stand. I guessed it was him but for some reason I allowed him to pass me by. I was in a very passive and accepting mood that night. We finally met up inside, shook hands (the only awkward moment of the night), and sat down at a table.
SS seemed quiet at first, but I didn’t mind. Like I said, I was feeling incredibly content so I kept on talking about whatever came to mind. Soon, I had set the stage comfortably enough that he began to run the conversation.
I cannot even begin to list everything we talked about in the span of four hours. SS was unabashedly unorthodox but in a pleasant manner. He went to school for molecular biology and has his mind set on virology to find a cure for cancer. His intelligence is softly but assuredly spoken and effortlessly projected. The way he gives compliments to another can be likened to the sincerest of passionate poets from the era of Percy Bysshe Shelley and Lord Byron. He seamlessly melded spirituality, passion, science, philosophy, poetry, art, into a single fluid conversation.
And… he had no chip on his shoulder and no trick cards up his sleeves…Breathtaking.
We met early in the evening since both of us had other plans later on. But our conversation was so naturally fluid and enjoyable that we couldn’t bear to end the night. Even as we both ate our dinner in silence, it was pleasantly so…
In addition to the lofty ideals within which we entrenched ourselves that night, SS opened up and shared his story. A painfully heartwrenching story that would leave a lesser person comatose on the sidewalk. And perhaps that was one of the first signs that conjured a sense of the cosmos halting just for us.
The more obvious moment was our discussion of spirituality.
SS reminded me of a significant quote by the amazing French philosopher, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, who I first discovered in high school. He wrote, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but rather spiritual beings having a human experience.”
I’ve been tossing around this thought in my head ever since. What an amazing perspective change – to concentrate on learning human interactions as a spiritual being on a research assignment, of sorts. On a different plane, we have already lived as spirits without a physical aspect. Our spiritual selves have now been manifested within human forms, devoid of spiritual knowledge. Our challenge is to reach our original higher plane, our spiritual essence, while still “trapped” within these bodies. Can we supersede the human and carnal desires and transcend back to the spiritual cosmos?
I have felt such a transcendence during lovemaking. Two spirits connect, acknowledging and recognizing each other as intangible souls, disregarding a sole attachment to our physical form but utilizing our bodies as a conduit for spiritual bonding. It’s a moment of complete lucidity and awesome alertness.
Never did I expect to feel such transcendence with SS. But I did. Amazingly so. I was quickly attracted to both his mind, how it reasoned and processed, as well as his spirit. His spirit shone brightly through his physical exterior with an essence of peace, serenity, mastery, and powerful humility. And above all, sincerity. With my own spirit as my eyes, I could perceive his as genuine. Perhaps it was his unwavering look of wonder and amazement as he silently looked long and deep into my eyes…
Now, I know that first dates like this are rare. And a part of me was fearful that this metaphysical connection would be shattered the instant we attempted to embrace intimately. There’s always that nagging fear that something is too good to be true.
But to my relief, the joining of our lips awakened a new side, equally mesmerizing. I was both a giddy school girl and a woman in a higher state of being. For the better part of an hour we explored each other silently, on a dark street in the cold of winter. And when human passion brought on fiery desire, we paused and laughed, silly like kids.
No other word comes to mind than joyful. It was beautifully joyful. We existed as spiritual beings enjoying a human experience attempting to focus on spirituality but content if we failed. We lived in the moment. Purely. Simply.
And I know now that it’s halting moments such as these, where the universe seems to revolve around our state of mind bringing peaceful alertness, that we should constantly seek. To take on the challenge to be human beings succeeding in a quest for spiritual transcendence.