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Things change so quickly. Worlds revolve around each other, exploding left and right. I got caught in the fireworks, crouching low to hide from the reverberations.  It took me awhile to realize – I should stand up and step out of the way.

I became enlightened.

All knowledge is worth having.

Last year, I set out to explore what I viewed as the opposite extreme to monogamous marriage. Many events towards the end of that relationship lead me to believe I needed to follow another path, another life.  I thought maybe it was the system, tradition, the norm that needed to change.  That it was dysfunctional. Maybe. Maybe not.

So I began to explore discretionary non-monogamy to embrace freedom – something I believe in as much as love and honesty. I found logic and rationale in the philosophy that love is not finite and that the more we love, the better we love. I support wholeheartedly the notion that open communication, no matter how brutal it can be, is the key to healthy relationships. I’ve always valued honesty. Frequently, to a fault.

Polyamory’s best lessons are open communication, honesty, and freedom. The philosophy teaches how to let go of the need to control, let go of dependent happiness, and let go of the fear of vulnerability.  I needed all these lessons to find pure joy within. And I’m beyond grateful for this knowledge.

All knowledge is worth having.

When I set out, I did not know where my path would lead.  I had every expectation that I would continue down as free as a bird, floating on a wayward breeze.  I didn’t believe I had found the answers but rather was simply excited to feel that I had found the path that would lead towards them.  I was right.  But the realization and enlightenment I recently discovered within myself was not what I expected to find.  And ever since that moment, all expectation has disintegrated and blown away in the wind.

And now I believe in the present moment.

We’ve all come across quotes, placards, wise (wo)men all telling us to seize the day.  But I never honestly understood what this meant until recently.  It’s not ACTING like you’re in the moment, to please or one-up others.  It’s about clearing your mind of time – the past, the future – and realizing that this second, this millisecond, is all you’ll EVER have.

Thank you, Eckhart Tolle. You came into my life at the perfect time.  Perhaps it was how you said it to me or perhaps I was simply receptive for the first time in my 30 years. Because now I do believe that the past is dead and I do believe that the future doesn’t exist. I’m enlightened to how I’ve spent too much of my life whiling away the hours daydreaming of the future or wishing to change the past. Both were futile endeavors. In such a short time, I have already let go of so much angst and struggle by living NOW.

The stillness I’ve found in a single moment, thanks to Mr. Tolle, has moved me into the light.  I realized that I was hoarding a sense of struggle for a rainy day.  I saw for the first time that holding on too tightly is such an easy thing to do and it reveals to me signs of desperation, fear, and…struggle.  What virtue is stubbornness when it encourages an angst-ridden life of constant struggle?

All knowledge is worth having.

I have discovered how to live without constant worry, heartache, pain, depression, or anxiety – a feat I never thought possible.  So many nights and mornings I have wallowed deep in my darkest thoughts, never knowing if I would be able to climb out of the void. No matter how bloodied my fingers would be from scratching my way to the surface, I’d continue to fight, only to fall back down, sometimes further into the abyss.

But this psychosis will transpire no longer within me.  I’ve starved it, stealing its food, its oxygen. I’ve killed it.

Not only has enlightenment given me the power, the courage to uncover the true happiness within myself.  But it has also shown me the path that I may repeatedly walk down should I ever lose my way again.

Follow your heart, in the here and now, I say. Stillness, through surrender and acceptance, is the best guide, while effortlessly becoming an end in and of itself.

For in stillness, in surrender, we allow the light of our true selves to emanate.

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